Aziz Ansari’s “not-quite-sexual-assault” has been buzzing with commentary, loudly dominated with cries of “bad date” and “awkward sex.”
The 23-year-old photographer who was “taken advantage of by Aziz,” named Grace by Babe.com, said “It was actually painful to watch him win and accept an award”, about Ansari’s win at the Golden Globes.
If it wasn’t rape, and if it wasn’t assault, what can we call an instance like this?
Why is this a controversial thing to talk about, and why do we become so upset when we can’t label something?
Why can’t we rub together more than two brain cells together to think about sex and its subtexts and subtleties?
As we see feminism becoming a national conversation, the topic of sex stops at “make sure you get consent,” which is a good taking-off point, but the sentiment is obviously not enough.
What happens when consent is iffy and blurry and falls somewhere between the affirmative and the negative?
The cocktail of powerful men mixed with a shot of rape culture and a splash of unrealistic sex imagery should be labeled with a Mr. Yuck sticker.
The media-literate population of 2018 learned how to approach sex from TV, movies, and porn. We can’t assume that everyone knows sex isn’t like that in real life.
We need to talk about sex and the verbal and non-verbal cues that someone is “into it.
We need more realistic sex scenes in films. We need more sex-positive, women directed porn, and we need to give names and language to our feelings about sex.
What we need most is to eradicate the false dichotomy between good sex, and bad sex.