Dear CCN: Love Advice

How do you keep the flame alive when a relationship becomes long distance?

K: Long distance relationships require mutual effort and creativity. Technology is a good tool when it comes to communicating, like through phone calls, texts, video recordings, and Skype. The creative part comes in by sending care packages or little surprises via mail such as a CD mix, a quirky or sentimental trinket, or even recent photos or a clothing item of yours to remind them “I’m thinking of you.” Planning visits to see each other in advance also gives you both something to look forward to. Take the distance one day at a time, and you’re relationship will burn bright, not burn out.

F: Keeping the flame alive? Your problem is that the flame doesn’t get out of control and burn down everything else around you. Ask any park ranger and they will tell you: the hotter the weather gets; the higher the risk of huge forest fires, (if you know what I mean). After a while without seeing each other, your relationship will be put to the test. Any kind of friction can produce a spark, and the resulting chemical reaction will make Nero look like a kid playing with matches in comparison.

Is it selfish to ask a man not to look at other women?

K: Sometimes a little wandering eye is natural for both males and females. Maybe that guy/girl looks just like (insert secret celebrity crush here), but there’s no real interest involved. The glancing at anyone other than you should be so subtle and rare that it should not effect the relationship. If you’re actually at a point of needing to him to control his gaze, maybe this isn’t the right guy for you. If in fact your relationship is healthy and there seems to be no issues with trust elsewhere, don’t let worries get the best of something good you may have.

F: Loretta Lynn said it best: “Sometimes a man starts lookin’ at things that he don’t need,
he took a second look at you, but he’s in love with me.” This is the attitude people should try to emulate. While I understand how you feel about this, don’t forget that jealousy is not about love, but about possession. If that’s not enough, just repeat Loretta’s words: “you ain’t woman enough to take my man.” Man, I love country music.

How do you build a good relationship?

K: You build a good relationship off of the basics, like communication and trust, but one thing that’s often overlooked is balance. Balance is important when it comes to a relationship’s foundation, because if it’s tipped too much one way or another for too long, the structure collapses. Having a mix of time spent together individually, as group, and apart is healthy in a relationship. Taking turns planning dates and creating equality between each other will also help form a strong base, so that when things do get off balance at times, you have what it takes to overcome it.

F: When you want to build something you want to start by the foundation; basically, don’t build your house on the sand, it’s just not smart. The problem here is that women fall in love with Che Guevara, and then they ask him to shave his beard. The same for men: if you noticed the girl because of her tight jeans, then don’t ask her to wear a nun habit. Unless you are both into that sort of stuff (no judgement).

What does a woman need to do to get the attention of a man she likes?

K: A woman only needs the tools she already has. To get his attention, the best thing to do is to be herself. If he’s drawn to your natural personality, style, laughter, and smile, then you know something real can potentially come of it. But, he has to know you exist first. Meaning, don’t be too shy to take the first step and approach him. Complimenting him on his cool t-shirt or his presentation in class can be a friendly start. If you can keep occasional conversation and interaction going from there to build chemistry, his attention should come naturally.

F: One thing is for sure, wearing sweats and slippers in public ain’t gonna help. Men are visual creatures, so keep that in mind. Now, chances are he already noticed you, but he can’t acknowledge you. The number one problem my buddies are always complaining about is that women start acting up the second one shows interest. So, the bigger problem is what to do with his attention once you get it. Maybe, a good way to get his attention is to show him that you are a different kind of gal, one that won’t start playing tag as soon as you see him coming. We are not in kindergarten anymore, Toto.