Dear CCN: Love Advice

Is chivalry a good thing? Where does it cross the line?

 

K: Chivalry was exercised in the middle ages as a way for knights to court women. Little acts of what is considered modern chivalry towards females are things like opening the door, pulling out their chair, carrying their book/bag..etc. Now, those acts aren’t really expected from all women. Although they’re nice gestures, sometimes a girl will let you know they’re not necessary, which if you continue then you’ve maybe crossed the line into annoying. The best time for these acts are if she really looks like she could use a hand. I.e., she’s struggling to push her way through the door while holding three textbooks, coffee, and texting on her phone with her purse falling off her shoulder. Chances are she’ll appreciate your coming to the rescue.

 

F: You know what’s wrong with this country? All those chivalrous men. They’re everywhere! A day doesn’t go by without me hearing about some guy being considerate and polite to a lady. I hope that by the time you read this sentence it’s clear to you that I’m being satirical. Of course you can open the door, carry your own things and seat yourself down! Chivalry has nothing to do with the physical ability of women. It’s more about behaving towards others in a respectful way, in the understanding that women and men are equal, but not the same. Now, there are men out there who think women are inferior, but they are the ones who steal your seat at the bus. So next time a guy does something nice for you, look at him in the eyes, smile and say “thank you.”

 

 

 

The social norm is for men to ask women out. What about women asking men out?

 

K: The idea that it’s the male’s job to ask out the female first is diminishing as modern society has been slowly accepting women as equals in other areas of life, such as education and the work force. The same equality should apply for relationships. If you’re into someone, go for them. People are people (but for people who are taken you might want to have more consideration). Making the move to ask someone out shouldn’t be put all on one gender, so don’t let the idea of a “norm” hold you back. Everyone should follow their feelings.

 

F: What about it? Ask him out. No wonder guys are so confused when it comes to dating; all these mixed messages drive us crazy. In this day and age, if a girl doesn’t ask a guy out because “it’s not proper,” I have to call cop-out. Asking people out is scary, and gender has nothing to do with it. It doesn’t matter how obvious you think you’re being, guys don’t pick up on subtleties. So put your big girl *ahem* shoes on, and ask him out. Worst case scenario, you end up with a bruised ego and feeling a little humiliated, but it’s nothing a little chocolate and Netflix won’t fix.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why do women like jerks?

 

K: Love, or even like, can be blind. A woman doesn’t always see that the man is a jerk right away (they can be deceiving). Once the truth comes out, sometimes it’s too late to turn around easily because she may already be attached. Other times, if girls are Eve in the garden, jerks are the forbidden fruit, or the thing we know we shouldn’t have but want a taste anyway. But doesn’t the same apply for males sometimes? One could ask why the nice guy falls for the bitchy girl. It’s human nature to be curious and to want to see the best in someone, but if that person is continuously revealing certain bad qualities, take off the blindfold.

 

F: Let’s get one thing straight: women liking jerks, nice guys finishing last, and the friend zone are all, to put it delicately, bullshit. It’s the kind of thing boys come up with when a girl rejects them. There is a correlation though: women like confident men, and some of these men happen to be jerks. But a guy can be nice and also confident; they are not mutually exclusive.

What I mean is that maybe it’s not that she likes jerks. Maybe she would go out with you if you asked. And if she says no to you it’s because she doesn’t want to go out with you, and not because there’s something wrong with her. I hope I didn’t hurt your feelings. Here’s a tissue.