Dear CCN: Love Advice

How do you tell someone is single?

K: A person who is talkative and friendly, maybe even seeming flirty towards you or others could be signs they’re solo, but not entirely. It could also just be their personality. Non-verbal clues such as their proximity when talking to someone and their eye contact are good to notice. A person who is in a committed relationship perhaps wouldn’t emphasize these actions too much. You can also ask indirect questions such as what they did this weekend/after class/for their birthday etc… to see if mention of a significant other comes up. As a last resort, there’s always Facebook.

F: Ask them, you gutless loser. I’m not saying you need to go up to her and say “Are you single?” That’s just creepy. But you can always do the classic “I bet your boyfriend really likes when you (insert appropriate verb).” It’s not that hard man. If you’re having trouble talking to a girl because you don’t know what to say, the English language has already come up with a solution: the word “Hello.”

How should one feel about their significant other making a higher wage?

K: Finding someone who can be your companion and who makes you happy is worth much more than a dollar, or the dollars they make. You should be supportive they have a job and are working in general. This economy doesn’t make it easy for many, but as long your significant other’s paycheck doesn’t affect or change their loving you, it doesn’t matter.

F: I ain’t sayin’ you a gold digger… but I don’t really want to finish that sentence. Anyway, just because this is the 21st century it doesn’t mean that we need to get rid of sexist, obsolete notions about gender and wages, right? I mean, there’s nothing a woman likes more than a man who is insecure, especially when it’s comes to the money she earned working. Just make her feel really guilty about it. Oh, and call her a “snob;” chicks love that.

What do you do when you finally get the one person you always wanted? Do you go all in or do you keep your guard up?

K: After waiting so long, you deserve to indulge in what you’ve gained. Having your guard up in a relationship sometimes holds you back, which then you’re not always getting to fully experience what the relationship has to offer. However, it’s certainly okay to take your time and move slow. Even though you finally landed that person it’s still good to allow trust and communication to grow. If you’ve had your eye on a specific person for a while, chances are you have good chemistry with them and you should enjoy bonding.

F: If you love someone, you do not let them go away! You need to spend every single free minute of your life next to them. And if you can’t be with them at all times, just text them every five minutes; that is the best way to ensure your relationship lasts. I mean, everybody likes to be smothered, right? Right.