Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb.18): You realize that if you said what you’re thinking about outloud people would realize just how weird you really are. Marry a ladybug or Guinea pig. Avoid the rabbit and the goat, specially with that heartburn.
Pisces (Feb. 18 – Mar. 20): We know you know we know. You know?
Aries (Mar. 21 – April 19): You must return here with a shrubbery or else you will never pass through this exam alive!
Taurus (April 20 – May 20): We’re not saying that what you’re doing is bad and we’re not saying it’s good. However, we are saying it is the exact opposite.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20): When in doubt, do it Gangnam Style.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22): You have the right to your opinion, unless your opinion makes no sense. We have the right to not hear your stupid nonsense.
Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22): The stars tell us that you need to dance with them. See what we did there? Dance with the stars. Get it?
Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22): Shut up.
Libra (Sept. 22 – Oct. 22): We think you should text him.
Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21): Don’t respond to her texts. She is easily influenceable.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23 – Dec. 21): Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy. But now that song is stuck in your head.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19): She totally did. Totally.